I lost three jobs this week

So, I lost three jobs this week. One callback for Maryland Lottery commercial. A pinned possible re-occur for Jessica Jones. And a film shooting in TN, which I BOOKED, then was informed it was a non-union job, which I can’t do. Three jobs. One week.

I should be bummed. And you know, I was. Jessica Jones? Come on?! That show is DOPE.

But what did we find out this week?

The Jessica Jones casting office loves me. The director of the film in TN loves me. I am so good, I can get close to three jobs in a week. I am in a place in my career where I CAN lose three jobs in a week.

Here’s a riddle: What’s wrong with the present moment?

Answer:  Nothing.  If you don’t think about it. (Thinking meaning judgement, evaluation,criticism.)

Okay, maybe not a ha-ha riddle, but it serves. 

What are the facts:

I am talented.

I am supported.

It’s been proven I can book a job.

What are the facts if I “think” about it:

I suck.

I’ll never work.

No one wants to work with me.

Even when I do book, I don’t get the job.

I’m unlucky

(I have to admit these are coming much faster than the earlier list)

Two weeks ago I had no auditions. A week ago I was possibly flying off to Maryland to shoot a lucrative commercial and be a re-occurring role on a Marvel show I love. This week, I’m writing a blog. All have the same charge and interest and joy but only if I don’t judge, evaluate or criticize. I try to enjoy myself now because that’s the only time I can enjoy. If I jump into the past to re-live those auditions, here comes the regret and pain. If I try and fantasize about my next (obviously bigger) audition in the future, here comes the fear and panic.

And that's my Solution this week. Excited to see what next week will bring, but will enjoy what’s here, now. Try it with me.

TODAY IS THE DAY YOU GIVE UP HOPE and you should, I did.

Give up hope. That’s the message for today. Give it up. It’s not helping.

In my last tv/film class, we went down the line for the answer to the question:

“What are you hoping from today’s performance?”

The answers varied,

“I hope I bring truth to my performance.”

“I hope I remember my lines.”

“I hope I’m convincing.”

So here is one idea on how the brain works. It has a five sensory active picture, a thought, it tries to convey through language, either through the body, or verbal language. But what kind of picture/thought is Hope? Hope is a dream, a desire, an unsolid thing, liquid. It covers a lot of ground. Hoping is a (we think) positive throwing of the hands up in the air and seeing what happens. But it’s not firm, it has no backbone, and is 50/50.  If you ever invite someone to your party, and their response is “Oh yeah! I hope to make it!” give their invite to someone else, you’ll never see them. They don’t have the SPECIFIC pictures/thoughts of showing up, ringing that doorbell, holding that bottle of wine they took time to pick out, that door opening, the lighting up of the face, HEY!, in they go.

It’s not that they don’t like you, in fact the opposite, they’re trying to convince you they’ll be there, because they do like you, but they’re not doing the work.

The audition room is no place for hope. The audition room is a place for work. The audition room is meant for solid thinking. I know who my character is, I know where I am, I know what I want, I come in service, I am in the moment in joy. Done. No wishy washy, no secret prayer you’ll get lucky, failure is a joke to be smirked at. Like the old pirate saying: Abandoned all hope ye who enter here. That’s your audition room. A place of joy, work and love. Do we see how all of the earlier answers to the question, what are you hoping will happen, was actually an unconscious belief that it WONT happen? Look to your hope. It’s where you need to work more on your script, your character, your setting, your audition mindset. Give up hope, there’s work to be done.